Despair
by Chronically Lazy
Summary: Four one-shots spanning four life times of damned love.
1. A Taste of You

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any character in Bleach. **

**A Taste of You**

He cradled her gently. Tears stung his emerald green eyes as he ran a pale hand through her short onyx hair.

It was entirely fault; he failed to protect her.

He lowered his head and brushed his cheek against hers.

She was so cold.

He knew he shouldn't have gotten involved with her. He shouldn't have smiled back at her and let her in because there was no hope for anyone who was close to him. There was nothing he could do to save them.

His life, his very existence was like the bottom of the ocean. It was darkness, nothingness, hopelessness. And he had let her into it, he had dragged her to the depths and now she was slipping away.

"Stay… Please… don't…" he needed her so much.

He had always been afraid to admit it but he loved her. He loved her and he needed her and he wanted to tell her but the words refused to escape his lips.

Why?

Her pale lips spread weakly into a smile.

Cold tears ran down his pale cheeks.

"It's ok." Her breath fogged as she choked out the words.

He could feel her slipping away, going farther and farther away. He had brought her this pain, this torture and yet all he saw in her large brown eyes was love and warmth.

He didn't deserve it. He couldn't accept it.

"Please don't go." She smiled at his words, "Tatsuki… you can't."

They both knew there was no bringing her back. This was the end.

"Ulquiorra, please let the last thing I see be your smile; I hate to see you hurt." She reached out and brushed the tears from his pale face.

Her hands were so small and so cold.

He held her hand to his face and took in one last breath of her. A forced smile formed on his thin lips. "For me, if not for anyone else; rest in peace." He whispered in small broken voice and kissed her on the hand.

Who was he to hope he could save her.

**A/N: I know it may be a bit 'confusingish'. =^-^= **

**It's Ulquiorra and Tatsuki a life time before Bleach is set.**


	2. SelfInflicted

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any character in Bleach. **

**Self-Inflicted**

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At the moment there was little more he hated aside himself. He thought as a human he was pathetic and without that useless organ known as a heart he was better off, but apparently he had been mistaken.

With or without a heart he was still vulnerable.

Vulnerable to emotion; rage, hate, jealousy, pain… and worst of all… love.

Decades of trying to forget her were all for naught; because he had found her.

He found her quivering helplessly due to the immense spirit energy of him and Yammy.

_He felt something constrict in his chest. _

_It couldn't have been a heart because he didn't have one. _

_He felt it again, but more painful; had he not known better he would have sworn it was emotion. _

_She stared at him, eyes he had seen so many times in his dreams were before him again but gone was the love and warmth; all that was there was bone-chilling fear and slight defiance. _

_She didn't remember him. _

_Rage coursed through him; had she lived with the pained memory of one she could not forget? Had she lay awake for nights willing herself to forget him? And yet she had forgotten him. _

'_The impudence' he thought bitterly. "She's nothing but trash." _

He shook the bitter memories out of his head; he didn't want her hurt, he didn't want to see her in danger, yet he had condemned her to death which luckily, she managed to escape. So much for love.

He stared out the large window, all that lay before him was the endless night and endless white of Las Noches. Hopefully today his pain would end.

Ever since he found her every second of his existence had hurt. Not to say it had not hurt before, but this pain, the pain of being forgotten by her, of having her love someone else… it was unbearable.

He had thought that as a hollow he was immune to emotions, it turned out he was mistaken or perhaps what he felt for her ran deeper than emotion. Either way he refused to hurt her any longer. He refused to try and remind her lest she be dragged to the depths of despair again.

As much as it hurt, he refused to bring her pain to ease his own suffering.

He heard the sound of approaching footsteps ; the representative shinigami was drawing closer.

He turned from the window and faced the door.

Let her live ignorant of his existence and his love; let her live happy, and let the man she now loved end his pain.

It was only right.

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**A/N: This is the bleach universe (i.e. Cannon Universe) (I know it's kinda obvious.) **

**=^_^=  
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	3. Inside Out

**Inside Out**

Third time lucky huh? Well, he was mistaken… again. He had been born into soul society after his death at the hands of Kurosaki. Somehow he still remembered. Every detail, every moment of his past two lives was still in his memory. Worse still, she was etched in his mind.

He remembered everything about her; the feel of her lips, the warmth of her eyes, her glowing smile, how her hair smelt… he could still smell her; air light lavender that drove him insane. His memory of her strengthened his resolve.

That thing in front of him was not her. It was not Tatsuki. It looked like her, smelt like her, sounded like her… heck, it fought like her but it was not her. If she was in there somewhere she would have wanted him to stop her, therefore he _had_ to. No matter the cost.

He stared solemnly at the ground; his head cast down. He felt tears sting his emerald eyes as the mask shattered into a million pieces.

He couldn't

He wouldn't

He could not look her in the eyes, those large brown eyes that had cared about him; he could not see them hurt again.

He wanted to die to. Start all over and pass her by, maybe that way he would save her this pain… this horror.

He could hear a pained moan. "Ulquiorra…"

His eyes widened and his head shot-up, familiar brown eyes gazed at him with loving recognition "you heard me… I knew you would. I knew if anything… _you_ would save me."

"Tatsuki…"

He watched as her eyelids closed and she slumped downwards. He stood rooted to the spot and stared at her quickly disappearing figure, soon all that would be left would be his blood-stained zanpaktou.

He fell to his knees and let out an earsplitting yell that reverberated throughout the hauntingly white halls of Las Noches.

It would always end like this; in pain and bloodshed – it wouldn't be true love if it ended any other way.

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**A/N: Just one more to go out.** =^_^=


	4. Precautionary Pain

**A/N: Again, I do not own Bleach**

**Precautionary Pain**

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He watched silently as she executed a series of complex moves.

Her eyes twinkled with pleased amusement.

She suddenly froze; she was aware of his presence. Her lips turned up in an ecstatic grin. She spun round to face him, her features a mixture of disbelief and joy "Ulqui..?" his heart clenched at the sound of her voice.

The adjuchas she had been fighting against saw the shift of her attention as a golden opportunity. It let out an ear shattering shriek and charged at her. In one fluid, effortless movement she stretched out her hand; stopping the adjuchas. She dug her fingers into the eyes holes in its mask, lifted her arm and brought it down sharply; slamming the ape like hollow against the ground.

"I can't believe it." She said as she shot a cero through the hand that held the adjuchas. Ulquiorra turned away; shielding his eyes from the blinding white light.

He felt a pair of slender arms wrap around him. He looked up and found himself staring into her soft brown orbs. "I knew I'd find you again." His heart slammed against his ribcage as if trying to escape from his chest.

"I missed you." Her smile was every bit as beautiful as he remembered and more, better yet, she knew who he was – she remembered.

He chest clenched in pain as he thought of what he had to do, what he was giving up. They were at their most compatible; they were both vizards, they both remembered, above all, neither of them had any ties to any side; neither of them answered to a superior.

He pried her hands off him "you mistake the reason for my presence here." His icy tone caught her off guard, "I didn't come to try and rekindle something that was never meant to be; I came to request that you stop searching for me."

"Ulquiorra.." she said with furrowed brows as she reached out for him.

Remembering full well what she had just done to the adjuchas, he grabbed bother her arms and held them away from his direction.

"I do not want to have anything to do with you; time changes a person… make you realize things…"

"But I died for you, and now I searched for you, just like you did for me… twice."

"A noble effort but wasted time."

A searing pain ripped through his leg as her foot connected painfully with his shin.

He trapped her legs between his; now he was staring directly at her and safe from any possible physical wounds. He could feel her warm breath against his collar as she panted angrily. He could smell the lavender in her short, spiky hair. A smell his had dreamt of many times… far too many to count.

He resisted the urge to apologize; comfort her and beg for forgiveness.

"I'm not stupid Schiffer." She whispered. He felt a tingle run down his spine, "I know how you feel."

"Give it up Arisawa; I'm different, you're different – the past is the past." He did not believe a word of what he said but he said it anyways.

He was sure his head exploded; the pain that ravaged his cranium was like any he had ever felt before. He felt something tickle down the side of his head and immediately he knew it was blood.

Damn. He had quite forgotten that she had a rather hard head.

He squinted as two blurry angry women merged into one angry woman standing above his fallen figure.

He felt something in his chest constrict at the sight of her unshed tears glittering in the moonlight.

A cold silence stretched between them until she turned around and shunpoed away.

He shut his eyes as tears stung their emerald depth – it hurt much more than he expected; not his head – he had totally forgotten about her hard head, no; his heart or mind or wherever the hell those blasted emotions lay.

"Sorry." He chocked painfully, "I'm so sorry."

He gladly bore the emotional pain, knowing it was nothing compared to the physical pain she would have to endure if she stayed with him; if she continued to love him

He wouldn't let her drown in it; despair was his burden and he would suffer his cross alone.

So he let her walk… well, shunpo away, oblivious to the fact that he had cut her deeper than any sword or weapon could.

All in the name of saving her.

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**A/N: Ok, I finally finished, I expanded on the previous one because a friend of mine said it was too vague (sp?) and I kinda agree. =^_^=**


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